48 Hours of Confusion
by socgrl
Summary: Mac's reflections during Tangled Webb 2, how was she feeling?


Present Time  
  
Ciudad del Este, Paraguay  
  
Mac's (POV)  
  
I don't think I have ever been more confused in my life. Ever since he tried to kill me on the side of the road outside of the hacienda he has been a complete ass. I don't want to sound whiney but Webb and I were almost killed and all he can do is try to push all of my buttons. I mean he almost crashed us again in the truck. Why the hell did he have to be so damn hard headed? I mean, he was having double vision.  
  
And then he does a complete 180 and has me wondering what he's thinking. I was so relaxed while I was taking my bath. And I was comforted with the simple knowledge that he was right outside of the door. When he said he was coming in, I didn't know what to. I drug the bubbles up over my chest and watched every move he made. For the first time in a long time I didn't know how to read his eyes. He just stared at me. I was reluctant to ask why he was staring, because I was afraid he might finally tell me what I want to hear. Then he said it, "I forgot how beautiful you are!" He looked lustful, yet scared, he looked as though he had lost his whole world and was trying to grab onto anything to keep him afloat.  
  
But as soon as Hardy shows up he back to his arrogant, hardheaded self.  
  
When we got back to the hotel after meeting with Maria Elena it was like old times. It seemed so normal, so right, for me to crawl into bed beside him. To have him so close to me.ugh.it was wonderful. While we talked I could see the smile on his face reach his eyes. And then.the kiss.well.almost.Then Webb and Gunny came barreling in and that ended that little moment.  
  
And then he was competing for my attention against Webb. I swear if I could have kicked both of their asses right then and there! And then the shit hit the fan! When he said that he resigned his commission I was floored. I couldn't believe that he could be so stupid as to give up everything that he has ever worked for. Then I realized that he did it for me. I once again saw the pain and longing in his eyes. It was heart wrenching. And as if Clay was trying to get a dig into Harm he made the comment about "our" bed. THANKS A LOT CLAY.  
  
Then we got into that huge fight. Why couldn't he just say that he came here and risked everything for me because he loved me.or hell some better reason then, "I think you know why?" I'm so frustrated, I am so grateful for him saving both mine and Clay's lives. But does he have to sound like such an ass. It's almost like someone forced him at gunpoint to do something he didn't want to do. I mean considering the looks he keeps giving me when we are having one of our good moments I would think he would be happy to see me and want to cherish every minute we have together. No, instead he has to go and pick a stupid fight with me.  
  
I hate it when he gets so jealous. Bringing Webb up when we are talking about us. Granted it wasn't the best of situations but still, there was no need to bring that up. He did save my life and protected it as best he could considering our circumstances.  
  
Then he asked the mother of all questions, "Well, what are you thinking?" Ugh.I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs my response, "It was nice to have someone who." But instead it came out unsure and timid, ".who states his intentions.who's willing to follow through." And what was his response? "Well then you can have him!" What the hell is that? Did I not just say I don't have a thing for Webb.so consequently I don't want Webb! Uhm.hello.earth to Harm. Why didn't he just tell me how he felt? This was the second time I gave him an opportunity to tell me what was going on in his head, but he copped out once again.  
  
Just when I didn't think I could get any more frustrated he goes and makes an asinine comment about my "various husbands and boyfriends." He's supposed to be my best friend; he's not supposed to judge me, especially not my past. He knows I've come a long way since my marriage to Chris. And that was just a low blow. Realizing that he made the biggest mistake thus far he decides to table our conversation about "us" yet again. That's just what we need.eight more years to figure out why the hell we want each other so bad, but can never seem to be together! The whole day was a mess. A constant attempt to see who could get the better dig. I really think that this is the lowest we have ever been.  
  
And now.here we stand outside of the Hotel Nuevo Simpatico. After almost getting killed countless times, having a man follow me to the brink of death, and another sacrificing himself for me and revealing his love to me, I'm just happy to have survived it all. I take time to reflect on the "life" I've lived in Paraguay, the fear, the excitement, the adventure, and the "romance". It really was nice to have a husband that cared for me the way Clay did. I got used to sharing a bed with someone again. Granted it wasn't the person I wanted, but it was still nice. But now I glance over my shoulder as the words, "Things are never going to work out between us.because we both want to be on top. And that is physically and emotionally impossible," sink into Harm's head. He looks more defeated then ever, but at this point I have no more strength to fight. I am both physically and emotionally exhausted.  
  
I do love this man. But, if he can't even tell me that he loves me or for that matter just tell me he has feelings for me, then I need to find someone who can and that I care about also. I don't think I will ever love anyone like I love Harm. I don't even know if I will ever be "in-love" with anyone like I am with Harm. But I need to save my heart from any more destruction.  
  
Now I'm just dreading the flight home. Usually on long flights we fall asleep against each other. But I have a feeling that this will be the longest, quietest, and most uncomfortable flight I have ever been on in my life.  
  
A/N: Tell me what you think.R&R.but please no flames.unless you are expression your frustration about ATW2 also. 


End file.
